I fear a most Troubling Event has taken place. Several unsavory characters have removed my person from recent genial premises against my will. Indeed, it is a depredation of a most strenuous nature. You will see by the accompanying photographs that I have been forced to endure the most demeaning of circumstances: posing atop their horseless carriage and forced to consume their crass victuals, consisting mostly of battered fowl (such foul abuse).

These colonials -- yea, it seems it is to that unruly lot I have fallen prey -- are headed northward to what I greatly fear may be their version of Gretna Green. There has been talk of a rendezvous with Lord Stanley, who has recently taken up residence in this area. He is a most fearsomely large brute, quite given to physical violence and high sticking. I shudder to consider the implications. I had feared for my life, but now I fear for my very virtue. For one such as myself, considered to be firmly on the shelf, or at least in the trophy case, this situation is most dire indeed.

I beg you come to my rescue. The vile blackguards have made their demands clear: you must appear at the usual place at the appointed day and time of August 12, 2006 at 1:00 in the afternoon, such a civilized hour, to accept the acclaim and approbation of the local peerage. At which time said scoundrels will turn over possession of this esteemed personage to your gentle care and secluded protection. I fear it will be a price too dear to pay and I will be doomed to a life of drudgery and interstate travel. I pray you will not fail me in my Time of Great Need.

Your humble and grateful servant,

Rita